Gas Gimmics

Did you know that if you replaced your air filter you would safe 35 cents a mile on fuel consumption? Really, I heard it on the news it HAS to be the truth. With the ever increasing cost of fuel, there are all sorts of magnetic contraptions, additives, pills, tune-up kits, etc that are marketed to save you LOADS of money on fuel. Maybe it is just that one bone in my body that is causing me to be skeptical (I should have it surgical removed), but I call Baloney.

Now I would say that if it was THAT easy to increase gas mileage wouldn't the automakers being using these devices already. Yes, I am making the assumption that the automakers are not in bed with the oil companies. Did anyone else realize that the additives that they put in the gas during the winter time actually REDUCES fuel efficiency? I used to always think it was the snow tires that was the culprit, but than this past week my mileage jumped from 20 to 24 and I am still running my snow tires. So while I pay more for the fuel, it actually gets me a lower gas mileage; can someone please explain that to me since I am not educated enough to comprehend all that?

Now I am going to offer you some no bull gas mileage improving tips, now they might be a little far out there but trust me they work. Of course, your improvement in gas mileage will vary slightly than other peoples and mine, so while you can anticipate the savings on your fuel bill, you might not want to compare your improvements with your neighbors. I would caution the reader that comparing miles per gallon is probably not the best approach and one should consider the more analytical method of miles per dollar (since we are worried about the cost of driving). Side note: my car actually gets more miles per dollar when running 88 octane fuel.

For those who have taken a physics class already know that fuel is consumed at the rate necessary to propel your vehicle and the energy required to do that has some dependence on weight. The first suggestion is to reduce the weight of your vehicle as much as possible. Start with the trunk, most cars have all sorts of things (golf clubs, umbrellas, shovels, gas treatments that increase gas mileage that we purchased by the case, drinking water, etc) stored their that could just as well be left in the garage or at home. Next we have the spare tire, go ahead and remove that as well, after all who gets a flat tire these days. The trunk should be completely empty at this point and as a result we have reduced the GVW by 100 to 200 pounds. Now in true systematic fashion we move to the back seat; six pounds of cheerios (and other food crumbs), two pounds of gravel and mud, two floor mats, one baby carrier, etc and should be about another hundred pounds of weight savings. Continuing on to the front seat; another four pounds of gravel and mud, ten pounds of spare change, six pounds of misc paperwork in the glove compartment, ten pounds of receipts (bank, Starbucks, drive through, etc), four pounds of parking tickets, 65 pounds of CDs, twenty pounds of sun glasses, ten pounds of floor mats and two pounds of misc tools (tire pressure gauge, window scraper, etc). Not sure what that adds up to but lets just call it 100 pounds. Now lets look under the hood...hum...Well, we don't need the windshield washer fluid (13 pounds), driving lights (14 lbs), hood support rod (2 lbs) and I am sure there are others things we could part with as well. So far we have lost what about 400 pounds in car weight. WOW, that should at least save a few cents a mile.

Now that we have slimmed the car down, lets see where else we can reduce weight...hum...You know I bet if we all drove around naked we could lose an additional ten-twenty pounds(depending on weather conditions) per occupant in the vehicle. Of course that might be a little drastic for some, so maybe just reducing the weight of clothing down to a minimal amount of clothes would be more practical. Other ways to save weight would be to make sure to use the bathroom before you go driving, don't eat or drink for a few hours before a trip and take no unnecessary items with you. Sorry folks, your can't always take the 350 pound wilderbeast to the store if you are concerned about the cost of driving places.

So we now have a car that is completely empty being driven by a naked driver and filled with naked people. Of course, one can't expect to see results over night so you should at LEAST average the results over three complete fuel cycles. I did warn you that my methods might be a little drastic and far out, but I think everyone would be pleasantly surprised at the fuel savings and the support that other people will give you in your attempts to safe on fuel.

Another option would be to mooch off other people, and no I am not talking about stealing fuel. Chaining your vehicle to the back bumper of your neighbor's vehicle and only going places that they go could save you a few dollars as well. That might be a little bit bold, so one could also try hiding in the trunk of the neighbors car (remember they are probably going to be driving naked so the back seat might not be a good option) and being a stow-away on their errands.

I now apologize to all the readers who thought I was going to give out some HUGE secret about dropping a magnetic device in your gas tank or dumping in two fifths of everclear. On advice of legal council I am required to mention that the fuel savings might not cover the cost of the public nudity citation.