Spectacles of Amber...

The most difficult part about relationships would have to be all the little games that get played. At one point in my life I was complete oblivious to all these little test, challenges, flaming hoops or what ever you want to call them; it would be so nice to be able to revert back to those days and erase all the negative stigma that I have come to know. Yes, I am completely frustrated and bitter about the whole 'dating' game. Without going into details, mentioning names or providing links to their blogs; here is what dating has taught me.

Number one, communication spoils the ability to determine if the other person is 'the one' (a term I will use VERY loosely since I don't subscribe to that drama). Rather than talk about an issue, one should just see how their date deals with the perception of a problem. Now I know it is really nice when the other person is completely tuned in with a situation and is able to do and say the right things, but that is the exception to the rule. We are all humans, have our own dilemas on our minds and often make little lapses in judgment. Some of us really believe when told you would rather not talk about something and will not cram a pry bar into the situation and attempt to force information. I can not think of a better time to establish lines of communication than when trying to get to know someone. Communication was listed first intentionally since it is the foundation that a solid relationship is built upon. Without great lines of communication, how can one possibly deal with embarrassing life altering traumatic events later in the relationship when you can't even openly discuss who you are as an individual?

Number two, deception leads to disrespect. Pretending to be anything that you are not to obtain the approval or favor of an individual will only lead to failure. Once the curtain of deception is lifted, the pain of being misled gets paired with an apparent lack of respect of ones ability to be able to deal with the true situation. Hiding from reality only will last so long and than the relationship will take a little trip in a hand basket and once again you are both back on the street.

Number three, apathy is like a termite dining on the combustible framework of the relationship. While I do not have a great understanding of History, I do know this area was settled by a bunch of adventurous individuals who resorted to trapping, to sustain their way of life. Relationships are not single story and the work does not stop with the commitment ceremony that forms a legal or spiritual bond between two individuals, much like most houses are not completed once the first level is framed up. Netting a good one does not imply you don't have to put in a continual effort into the relationship, and the effort is WAY more than maintaining the status quo.

Last but not least (ok so maybe I am stopping here to keep the post short), no matter how much one person wants to be in a relationship they can not put enough effort in by themselves. My favorite game definitely has to be, "if it is true love they will ask me to stay or convince me to return." Now while this makes a great plot for a novel or movie, in real life it doesn't work. Not all people are going to stalk you to the point that you become ensnared in their web of deception. Further more, stalking someone who has already booted you to the curb is not only creepy and annoying, but it is in fact ILLEGAL and your name will end up in the paper for everyone to see. Learn to know when you are not pulling your share of the relationship. I know life keeps us busy, but there really are more than four days a year that we can show love and devotion. Continued random acts of kindness, respect and appreciation go a long way to fuel the furnace of forever.

While it would be so easy to dwell on the negatives, how many of you saw the positive things that can be done to keep the relationships sweet? So while some of you would like to classify me as a bitter and unhappy person, I find that I am way more realistic and enjoy the slivers of happiness that I have come to know because of the bad and can appreciate the good that much more. For all you out there who might have missed it, let me give you the executive summary...Communicate, Be honest and sincere, respect each other as individuals but strengthen the covalent bond, don't take anything for granted, learn to let go of everything and show your respect and appreciation on many random days.