Lack of Human Foresight!

I am sure you are all aware of the latest warning about cell phone usage causing brain cancer, but for those who haven't heard, yeah talking on the cell phone might increase your chances of brain cancer. Your increased chance hinges on you actually possessing the organ that houses thought processes and memory, so I am sure some of you will be ok and have nothing to worry about; but for the rest of us...

My concern at this point, since I am a hard headed Norwegian will I be okay? Does the extra thickness to my brain protector help shield it from the radiation that will eventually lead to the demise of my brain cells? Such things to consider and to research, along with if the radiation from the phone causes brain cancer, wouldn't it also cause skin cancer and cancer of the ear? If I remember my physics correctly radiation diminishes with at least the square of the radius, and maybe more like the quartic or the radius with some dependence on material density.

So whatever, I will take these 'experts opinion' and start to worry about this negative radiation coming off my cell phone, but I have a lot of questions. How does the radiation vary between talking and standby operation of the phone? Does wrapping the phone in aluminum foil ruin its reception? Should I wrap the side of my head in aluminum foil? What kind of radiation concerns should I have about this new fangled bluetooth headset? Should I resort to smoke signals and start to worry about lung cancer?

As you can see, I am very confused by all this opinion that has hit the news; so difficult to just take the opinion of someone who has less education than I do and accept it as being factual. Any person who has enough education realizes that there are no hard facts in the real world, just statistical probabilities of occurrences. Giving the experts the benefit of research, if having the phone next to your ear is bad for your brain, I would assume that any body part that is located close to the phone would also have an increased probability of some form of cancer. With that in mind, gentlemen where is you phone when using your bluetooth or waiting for a phone call? Your front pocket? Are you wearing lead lined boxers? I checked at Target and it seems they no longer carry boxers with the option lead lining, so I have been unable to find any. Now ladies, where do you store your phone? How often do you let the kids talk on a cell phone?

I leave you all to contemplate your usage and storage of your suspected cancer causing device...Until next week...