A call for change

Almost as good as my global warming argument, except in the complete opposite direction. I wonder if they could toss in some diet pills into the mix for a little extra money as well as making all our meals a large smoothie.

Revisiting a post from a few weeks back where global warming was blamed on the obese, I think we can blame global warming on anyone who eats food. I know we all can agree that it takes considerable resources to produce, process, distribute, prepare/cook and dispose of the waste from food products. A couple of weeks ago I sat down with my Uncle and we discussed this exact topic and this is when we determined eating is causing global climate change. (Author Note: In order to keep this from becoming a huge post this will be a multi-week rant installment)

The American Association of Restaurant Owners and Proprietors have gotten together and arbitrarily decided that the Average American needs to have about 4,000+ calories a day to survive. Which of course they have found a meriade of ways to provide these calories to us; smoothies, milkshakes, super-sized deep fried potatoes, carnivorous pizzas, etc. Average Joe just goes along with this diet that was established by the Capitalistic Food Entrepreneur and because the average Joe is a complete washout-pushover he also works out at the local gym. Slim Jim goes along with the same diet, but he has an eating disorder that prohibits him from keeping his food down. Skinny Sal has bounced back from his morbidly obese days by losing 80% of his body weight thanks to medical advancements in bariatric surgery and drug therapy, after being a victim of this food regime. Slothful Ned is suffering tremendously since his messy divorce and loss of his job, but still manages to consume twice the caloric intake arbitrarily set by the AAROP (Not to be confused with AARP or any other legitimate organization). Healthy Hank barely consumes a third of the calories, has a very active lifestyle but NEVER sets foot in the gym.

Starting with average Joe, we will now look at the daily routines. Joe gets up early, stops by his local healthy watering hole and gets his day started with a tropical soy smoothie and latte. By the time Joe arrives at the gym he has consumed 24 oz of soy latte, 20 oz of Tropical smoothie and popped a handful of vitamins and supplements. After Joe bangs out a nice workout at boot camp, off he heads to his desk jockey job; a snack at ten, enormous man-salad at lunchtime, more coffee and a lot of elbow grease spent sliding his mouse around the desk. On his way home another stop at the gym for either a strength conditioning or aerobic workout. Joe tops his day off with a nice grilled salmon meal, with rice and seasonal vegetable and a bowl of 'lite' ice cream before bed. Total intake 4200, total burn at work 1100, total burn at the gym 3100...Perfect, right? Everything balances, calories in equals calories burned, no weight gain, right? How globally responsible was Joe?

The 3100 calories that Joe burned at the gym used electrical energy to run the gym equipment and to provide the nice comfortable workout environment. The double dip into the gym resulted in two showers which not only wasted energy in heating the water, but was not very conservative on his water consumption (Joe likes long hot showers). Not to mention how much extra waste that Joe created because of his large food intake, which in turns ALSO takes energy to process and results in the infamous 'green house gas' emissions. Joe has been completely wish-washed by 'The Man' into believe he is living a healthy responsible life while all the time he is using way more resources and energy that was absolutely necessary. So even if Joe drove a fuel efficient car, maintained his weight and lived a healthy lifestyle he is not respectful of his neighbor's caloric, electric or hydrating needs. Joe is in fact a complete self centered energy waster wearing the deceptive green cloak.

To be continued next week. On urging of legal counsel, all persons in this rant are fictional characters that while they might resemble actual people are in no way shape or form actual individuals. If you feel like I have singled you out, than good I want to make you think. The only way for global reform is by changing the habits of each and everyone of us. WE can stand together and incite change, by providing constant pressure on the governing powers; fight back, take a stand, be globally responsible!

THINK Globally, Buy Locally, Act Individually!